Win or Lose we are doing this.

I've wasted so much time working at starting my 'safety net' career that I almost let life slip by. It took me quite a long minute to realise that writing was not a make or break situation. It's a constant rollercoaster. Sometimes you win some and other times you lose, royally. There will never be any consistency, and that's okay. Today you may sell a million books and tomorrow you might be lucky if you even sell one. This is something I've had to contend with for quite a long time now and I've finally made peace with it.

I guess being an author, this is not something we are prepared for. The world sells this image of successful writers always hitting best sellers and we automatically believe that that is the standard. Take Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen, completely underrated despite its literary magificence and let me not get started about Stephen King (mostly because I'm personally not a fan and therefore don't know much about his writing other than the fact that he is still one of the most popular Horror writers to ever walk the Earth). He has successfully written about 60 books and I was shocked to find that there are some that came out horribly.

Obviously we can't forget that these are more famous authors who have a steady fanbase (and we know diehard fans will buy anything from their favorite celebrities, even if it was a horrible nursery rhyme), but my point is literary success is not a guarantee. Ever.

Even William Shakespeare, who is to this day dubbed as the greatest poet and playwriter ever had some missteps in his time. It's inevitable in this trade.

You can touch a million hearts with one manuscript and with the other people could hate it simply because of your consistent writing style. That's the problem, we require the world to love what we bring to the table so that we can be something. This is quite sucky for someone who is supremely prideful (haha) and it's an obstacle tha doesn't end. I just have to contend with it.

Although it does create a certain unhealthy amount of fear in a person. Call me controlling but the thought of the success of my trade lying in the hands of some strangers who because of some laws are allowed to judge us and destroy us with a few words is quite daunting. And my fear only seem to grow as the weeks progress and my book editing period comes to an end. I am almost 93% done with the final edits to the Gemini and getting closer to phase 2 of my work.

Not that phase two is completely dependent on phase 1 being complete, I am dabling in phase 2 already and it's a new challenge I didn't expect. A part of me is quite excited to be working in a different field that I am still learning about but it's mostly overwhelming. I don't have many oportunities that are awarded with being signed with a publisher who has years of experience in this whole writing and publishing industry so I have to basically fake it at all turns.

It's rough, it's heavy but at the same time it's exhilirating. My writing is my world and in turn everything else that comes along with it. If I have to become a videographer to succeed, then that's what I'll do and I'll be smiling throughout the way. Because that's the only way I want to live, elated in my trade. More than content with my life, satisfied.

Lastly and totally unrelated, bank cards are sometimes more qualified that actual therapists ;) haha.

With that being said, may your coffee be warm and your day short.

Lots of Love

L <3